Show Me That You're Human
by SherlockedCastiel
Summary: After a basic vampire hunt goes wrong, it forces Cas to make the biggest decision in his life. Unfortunately Dean doesn't see things as Cas does and when Cas makes a choice, Dean refuses to accept it. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

Dean scrubbed his hands rapidly with the motel wash cloth he had found in an attempt to get the blood off but it wasn't working that well as the water was almost ice cold. He focused his attention on each tiny speck of blood one at a time to see if it helped and it did a little so he kept going. When the last bit was gone he scrubbed his nails and dried his hands. He could hear Sammy packing up his things in the next room. He looked up to call to him, to ask him if he was ready yet but instead jumped out of his skin at the man in the trench coat behind him.  
"For god sake Cas, I thought you'd quit doing that!" He exclaimed but Cas hardly blinked.  
"Dean. How was the hunt?" He said politely.  
"Standard. Why?"  
"I'm exchanging pleasantries."  
"What?"  
"Pleasantries, isn't that what they call them?" Cas frowned like he was trying to figure out why Dean didn't understand him.  
"I guess, but why?"  
"I have to go now." And he was gone. Dean knew Cas didn't stick around for long, but that was a pretty short visit, even for him. He walked into the bedroom and saw Sam with his rucksack over his shoulder and Dean's bag on the bed.  
"Ready to go?"  
"Sure. Have you seen Cas recently? Has he been acting weird at all?" Sam's bottom lip curled as he thought then he shook his head.  
"No stranger than normal? Why?"  
"Oh, never mind, let's hit the road." And Sam follows Dean to the Impala.

Okay, short first chapter. Please remember this is set in the beginning of season 5, but Sam never got hooked on demon blood. This will be a mostly Destiel fanfic, but if you want other characters to be featured in there please mention it, and on the plus side I won't have to write a complicated story about why there back because they weren't all dead in the beginning of season 5. How times change. Please follow, favourite, review if you'd like, it's very much appreciated. Thanks :3


	2. Chapter 2

The next time Dean saw Cas was about 6 days later. Sam and had been looking for a case for a couple of days and were staying in Nebraska for the time being. It was a nice town they were in, but Dean was looking forward to some action. He walked out of the motel to go get a drink but Cas was standing in front of the door.  
"Hello Dean. Where's Sam?"

"Cas. He's sleeping, why?"  
"Where are you going?" Cas said, avoiding the question.  
"Drink. You wanna come?"  
"Alcohol?" Dean raised him eye brows and nodded his head, chuckling slightly at Cas's innocence. It was sweet really, the guy was dedicated to his father and what he stood for, but it meant he was pretty clueless of the world down here.  
"Okay. Yes, I will go for an alcohol."  
"An alcohol?"

"An alcoholic beverage yes." They walked in silence to the bar Dean had spotted on the way to the motel. It looked like an okay place, busy, lively and a little crappy, but Dean didn't mind that. Normally they were a little more exciting. They walked in and sat down at a table in the back corner and Cas looked around at his surroundings. Dean looked to catch the waitresses eyes. She was pretty hot, blonde, a little short and a little skirt on.  
"Hello boys, what can I get you?" she asked, eyeing up Dean.  
"Alcohol please." Cas said turning his head to face the waitress who looked at him and grinned.  
"What kind of alcohol cutie pie?"  
"Two beers please." Dean said quickly to avoid Cas saying anything strange.  
"Sure. Nice coat." She grinned at Cas again and Dean was starting to find her annoying.  
"Thanks." Cas said, looking down at his trench coat. "It was my vessel's."  
"What?" The waitress looks confused and a little worried.  
"Vessel. It's Dutch for… friend. It was his friends coat. How about those beers?" And the waitress walks off towards the bar. Cas looks at Dean with slight confusion, no doubt about what Dean had jut said about the coat.  
"You can't go around saying stuff like that Cas. It's not cool." Dean explains in the simplest way he can.  
"I don't understand." The waitress comes back with there drinks and places them on the table. She's still looking seductively at Cas but he doesn't notice at all.  
"If you need anything." She says to him. "Call me over." And Dean has to restrain his laughter as she winks at Cas. Cas then tries to wink back, most likely assuming it's just something that done but just ends up with a sort of twitch in his eye then squeezes his eyes together. The waitress just walks away and Dean lets out his laughter.  
"Dude, she was hitting on you!"  
"She didn't hit me." Cas says and picks up his beer.  
"No, she liked you Cas. As in, she wanted you to put your di-"  
"I am fully aware of how human preproduction happens Dean!" He stops Dean how finishing his sentence so instead Dean just makes a suggestive finger gesture to annoy him. Cas rolls his eyes then takes a sip of his beer. He pauses for a second then turns to Dean and says,  
"I don't feel anything. Are you sure his alcohol works?" Dean burst out laughing again.  
"Drink it all, that should get you a slight buzz. We could do shots if you wanted to really feel it."  
"Shots?" Cas starts to drink his beer a little quicker as Dean takes a drink from his. He then ca1ls over the waitress and orders some shots. If he was honest, he would tell Cas he's only ordering shots so he can see him drunk but although Dean has been called a lot of things in his life, honest is not one of them, so he keeps his mouth shut.  
"Okay Cas, I gotta ask, do you have an deal?"  
"Deal?"  
"Yeah, I mean like, do you like girls, guys, other angels? Or do you just get off when you do a good deed or something?"  
"I don't understand. Are you asking me what my preference is to mate?"  
"Kind of. I'm asking to you find humans attractive? And so is it guys, girls, both, neither? I mean, can you get boners or are you just a big ol' softie?" Dean says, turning his voice into a southern accent at the end to have a bit of a joke.  
"I like the way humans look if that counts. I like the way God created them."

"So all humans?"  
"Yes."  
"Even though you are a man?"  
"I'm not though. I'm an angel. It's just the vessel I selected was male. I count have been female."  
"And you'd still like both?"  
"I think so."  
"And you would be happy to sleep with any of them?"

"I don't sleep."  
"Sex, Cas, sex!"  
"Not right now thanks, I have a drink." Cas says, not in the least bit sarcastically as Dean almost falls off his chair from laughing so hard. "Here are the shots." Cas points out as the waitress places them down. Cas, who has already finished his beer, takes one of the tiny glasses and sips.  
"Cas, all in one. Drink it all in one" And Cas downs one of them immediately. Then another and then another. Dean just keeps sipping his beer, loving every second of Cas's face.  
"Last one Cas, come on, you can do it." Dean jeers him on and then Cas drinks the last shot with a look of determination on his face.  
"I feel funny." Cas comments when he's finished with a frown on his face. "I think I should go to the bathroom." Cas gets up from his chair quickly then goes straight back down again, only this time it's face down on the floor. Dean pays for the drinks and picks Cas up, carrying him back to the hotel with a little satisfied grin on his face. Drunk Cas was funny. 

_Second chapter. Please review, follow etc. I like hearing feedback even if it's bad or a single word. Thanks._


	3. Chapter 3

"Ready Cas?" Dean asks him as they go towards the door.  
"Yes." Cas says short and quietly, in fear of being heard. He found fear to be an intense human emotion he wasn't too keen on. Dean nudged his head for Cas to open the door. Cas swung it open loudly, questioning this plan.  
"S'up leeches?" Dean yelled as about 6 heads turned towards them both. Cas gulped and tried to look fierce, but even he could tell he probably didn't. He was amazed at just how quickly two males vampires moved towards them. Dean paced towards one and with a swing on his blade, the head was off. The other quickly attacked and taking a few hits himself, that vampire was dead too. Cas didn't want to look at the bodies on the floor, or the heads that were separate from them, so instead he keep focused on the other vampires in the room. Most of them looked shocked, other looked angry. One woman had started to cry, most likely one of the males was her partner. Cas noticed more of the vampires getting up to attack so he braced himself. He'd killed vampires before. One jumped at his and he swung but didn't aim, so the blade hit the man in the chest before Cas pulled it out and swung it again, this time hitting its target but not going all the way through. Cas cringed very slightly and hit again before the vampire was dead. Dean had now killed 4, but they were wrong in thinking there were only 7. Cas couldn't stop to count before he was jumped on. The vampire tackled Cas to the ground but Cas pushed her down and knelt over her stomach, pushing the blade through her neck. Cas could see how many people she'd murdered, how many lives she ruined and didn't regret her death for a second.  
Dean was already looking around for more vampires when Cas spotted one in the corner of the room. He moved towards him and waited for the beast to leap, which he inevitably did. His hands, however, didn't reach Cas before Cas' blade struck his neck. The pain would have been only for a second, but it didn't stop him screaming. Dean looked over for a second, to check if Cas was okay before turning his attention back to the vampire that was attacking him. It wasn't long before Dean won the battle, but his arm was hurt and Cas could see the pain in his face.  
With only one vampire left, Cas decided he should rest for a brief moment.

Thanks for reading, new chapter will be up shortly..


	4. Chapter 4

Cas wiped the bloody blade on his sleeve, assuming the coast was clear. Dean was completely fine by himself; he could see him with a semi-unconscious vampire, ready to push the blade into the man's neck. Cas started to look around the place, any clues that there might be more of them, or that they had anything of worth to the boys or himself. Vampires can get hold of some good stuff sometimes, weapons that shouldn't be around anymore or sometimes they have things that should be destroyed, such as old books on their 'origin'. Sam had told him after a hunt, you should normally check out the place. Of course, Cas knew he didn't have to be as careful as Dean and Sam did, his DNA was on no system. He wasn't Jimmy, Jimmy had been classed as dead a long time ago, and the vessel had changed so much since he'd taken it. Even his DNA was altered. He couldn't help but feel bad for Jimmy and his family. Cas understood now how much he'd asked of the family, how much it must hurt for Jimmy's daughter to grow up without a father. Cas opened a door to a small dark room and went to look for a light, but couldn't find one. His eyes were adjusting to the lack of light, but he still opened the door completely to let in as much light as he could. He saw his must be some kind of bedroom, it had a bed and some shelves, but nothing else. It was cold, and dark. He glanced at every book on the book shelf to see if there was anything, and then he checked the dust on the shelf, to see if any book had been taken out very recently, but none had. Cas looked around the room again, then looked carefully at the bed. It was strange, but Cas looked at it for a second too long, and thought he saw the covers move, the covers covering the bed. Cas knelt down, wondering if it was one of the hostages.  
"Hello?" He said softly bending over so he could look under the covers. He didn't have time to get a good look though as suddenly something pounced at him from under the bed. Cas was thrown backwards against the wall, hitting his head quite hard and the wind was blown out of him. He shook his head slightly and looked up. It was clearly a vampire. Her face had smudges of blood on it from a recent kill, and there were still traces of blood on her lips. Her hair swung in front of her face as she reached down and took the blade Cas had dropped when he was thrown.  
"What you gonna kill me angel?" She spat at Cas as he attempted at get up. She laughed a little laugh, one that sent a small shiver down Cas' spine. She took the blade in two hands, and snapped it in two with her knee. Then, with one swift movement, she moved towards the door and locked it. Cas, with his hands on the wall supporting him, thought maybe he could over power her if he had the strength. All he had to do was buy a little time he might be able to get the blade back. It would still cut her, even if it would be harder. But right now he could hardly move.  
"Aw, poor little angel." She hissed at him, pushing him back against the floor so he fell onto the cold floor. "All trapped and nobody to help him. With the big, bad nasty vampire." She mocked.  
"I'm not afraid of you." Cas said as she looks under the bed and pulls out a rope. Cas gulped, she was clearly not stupid, she knew who he was and how quickly he could recover. She grabbed her long nails across his neck, digging them in and pushed Cas onto the ground. She knotted his wrists together with the rope and made sure to pull them tight so Cas could feel the blood dripping down his hands, before pushing him back up.  
"I know I can't kill you Castiel. Doesn't mean I can't hurt this pretty little vessel of your though." Cas looked at the door longingly. Dean must be wondering where he was, he saw Cas wondering off.  
"Or maybe I can kill you. You never know. I might have a trick or two up my sleeve. Some old vampire tricks. What, you think us vampires don't know about you angels? We've been dealing with you for years." Cas was now a little worried. He'd heard angels and vampires hated each other, but what could she do to him?


	5. Chapter 5

Dean finished wrestling with the leech in his grips and started to do what he saw Cas doing, looking around. He checked in a couple of bedrooms and then called Sam.  
"Dean, you alright?" Sam sounded breathless, but apart from that he sounded okay.  
"Yeah. Few more than expected. Are the hostages alright?"  
"I think so. No bites, obviously scared out of their minds. I've tried to convince them those guys were cannibals. They didn't see the teeth, but they're not buying it."  
"Well, I need to go get Cas, I don't know where he was."  
"Alright, so how ,many were there?" Sam asked then added. "Georgia, one of the hostages told me there was 14."  
"What? 14?" Dean panicked, getting his blade out again with his other hand, then started counting the dead bodies in the room. 11..12...13. He counted again.  
"Dean? What's wrong?" Dean heard Sam ask down the line.  
"We killed 13. There's definitely she didn't miscount?"  
"She's sure." Dean's eyes widened as he slammed his phone shut and ran off in the direction Cas was going.  
"Cas?!" He yelled down the warehouse, but no reply.

Cas couldn't hear what the vampire was saying, he couldn't hear anything. Pain was flashing through his body, his body was convulsing against his will as the vampire read from a book she must have hidden with her. Cas had thought it was nothing, a myth so vampires weren't afraid of angels, but he was finding out he was wrong the hard way.  
As soon as words stopped spilling out of her mouth, Cas stopped moving everything except his chest, which went up and down as Cas tried to inhale deep breaths to help the pain. The vampire grabbed the blade Cas had used to kill her friends and ran it along Cas' cheek, then swiped her finger over the blood and placed her finger in her mouth. Cas felt ill as she smiled and said "You can really taste the angel. Shame you'd kill me in a heartbeat, I'd love to have you as my little pet. Pretty boy with blood of gold. What more could a girl ask for?"  
Cas was trying to act brave, but he didn't understand what the vampire was doing to him. If he was human, she'd kill him and he had no way of stopping her. No doubt Sam and Dean would be gone by now, assuming Cas had just left in his usual way. The vampire reached under the bed and grabbed a goblet of some kind. Cas almost instantly recognised the writing on the side. It was almost like a written angel banishment sign, but much more permanent. She reached for the blade before turning in shock at a almighty crash against the door. The door only nudged a little, but Cas recognised Dean's voice yelling.  
"Cas?! Cas?! You in there?!" Cas couldn't really talk. He pain had made him weak, and his brain was too jumbled to really say anything.  
"De..." He tried to yell but the vampire struck him across the face. Dean crashed against the door again, and it moved slightly. The leech decided to just get the ritual over with and cut the length of Cas' arm with the blade. Blood started to pour onto the trench coat and the floor as she used the goblet to catch some of it in. She then started to chant. Cas blacked out.

Dean threw himself against the door a few more times. His arm felt completely numb by this point, but he kept going. Cas was trapped in there with some leech who was doing god knows what to him. He felt the door nudge slightly, so he figured this next one had to be good. He pushed off his feet and threw all his weight onto the door, then fell with it into the room. The vampire was swirling blood around in a goblet and chanting but was clearly distressed at Dean being in the room. She stopped her chant for a few seconds before continuing at a much faster pace. Dean swung his blade near her as she backed up. Dean leant down to examine Cas but he looked like he was being tortured. His face is screwed up and almost purple in colour. There sweat pouring down his face and his entire body is tense, like he's about to scream in agony.  
"What did you do to him?" Dean yelled at her, pointing the blade at her.  
"You can't stop it. It's almost done. He'll have 3, 4 days at most before it takes affect. Or I could finish the spell now." She sneered.  
"What takes affect?" Cas whimpered on the floor.  
"He's human. Or he will be in a few days. Then anything can kill him. They're evil."  
"He'll be human in a few days? How?" Dean pushed the blade into her neck so if she moved she would be cut.  
"Ancient spell."  
"Reverse it." Dean said.  
"I can't."  
"_Reverse it!_" Dean yelled again and she flinched.  
"Please. I can't."  
"Tell me what I can do to stop it then."  
"Let me go and I will."  
"Or I could just kill you"  
"He'll die. Once he's human, he'll be weaker." Dean thought about it for a few seconds then lowered the blade lightly.  
"Look. If he becomes an angel again, without a vessel, then he won't turn human." She said, taking a small step forward.  
"So that's it. Heaven or human?" She nodded then took another step forward before Dean realised what she was about to do. She pounced forward at Dean, teeth bared. Quickly, Dean swung the blade and her head was thrown onto the floor. Dean quickly returned to Cas, picking him over his shoulder and carrying him outside to an anxious Sam was waiting.  
"Help." Dean said to him, his face red from carrying the weight of him and Sam grabbed him too. They bundled him into the back of the Impala where Cas groaned but didn't wake up, giving Sam and Dean some time to talk about what the vampire had said.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas awoke feeling weak and terrible. He could only remember brief moments of his encounter with the vampires. He looked around the crappy motel room Dean and Sam was carried him in last night. Dean sat at the table to the side, waiting for Cas to wake up, reading an old book of vampire myths.  
"Morning sleeping beauty." Dean sniggered and looked over at Cas.  
"Dean. How long did I sleep?" Cas' voice was rough and lower than normal.  
"Few hours. It's about 7." He said. "Sam's gone for some food. You want any?" His was Dean's way of checking if Cas wanted anything to eat, if he was feeling the human need of hunger, and was relived to see Cas shaking his head. Cas slowly got up and paced across the room to sit by the table. He examined the books scattered around Dean.  
"Right, right. So am I human now?"  
"What? No Cas and you won't be. We're not going to let it happen."  
"Look, she did the spell. Or whatever it was, so I'll be human right?"  
"No!" Dean slammed his fists down on the table before getting up. "You won't be human. You…you have to go back to heaven."  
"What?" Cas' eyes opened in shock and his voice raised.  
"That's the only way to stop this thing Cas." Dean explained but Cas shook his head.  
"I bet I can stay human." Cas demanded.  
"Not an option."  
"What do you mean 'not an option', she was turning me human!" Cas argued, standing up as well.  
"Yes! Alright fine, you can either go back to heaven or be a human, but human isn't an option."  
"_It is to me_!" Cas yelled  
"NO! You will not waste the rest of eternity for nothing. Humans are weak Cas, we rely on everyone else, we are pathetic, we grow old, we hurt, we wither and we die! Do you understand?" Dean retaliated.  
"I understand perfectly! It's my choice Dean, not yours."  
"You can't make that decision Cas, you're not thinking. You wanna start feeling pain? You wanna have to eat and drink and sleep? You wanna go to _hell_, Cas. No! We don't get choice Cas, you do. So you get your sorry ass back up to heaven, and you don't look back, _ever." _Deans voice was both angry and panicked as him and Cas were almost toe to toe yelling at each other. Cas had no idea what to say next, so he just stared at Dean, trying to figure out why he had such a problem with this. Then something unexpected happened and Cas felt Deans lips press against his at quite a rate. Cas grabbed a fistful of Deans jacket in each hand to make sure he didn't fall back and Dean hands wrapped around Cas' neck as he brought him closer. Cas, having never kissed before was startled at how strange it felt, Dean's lips felt rough, and the feeling of his hands as they touched his neck and hair was enough to make Cas feel weaker than he already was. He thought about how humans use this motion as a sign of emotion and a connection, and how he was rather perplexed about Dean's sudden want to show this to Cas. As Dean moved forward slightly, Cas moved back until his back touched the wall and Deans body moved further forward so Cas could feel the warmth from it. He allowed his hands to move from Deans jacket and go under his arms and rest on Deans back. As Cas stopped thinking about what was happening and let himself become entangled in the kiss, Dean's hands moved and held onto Cas' trench coat. Dean pulled his lips away from Cas and suddenly Cas felt himself be shoved up the wall, his feet leaving the ground. Dean's expression was one of anger.  
"Don't _ever_ do that again." he growled and released Cas, who almost fell to the floor. Dean left the motel room, slamming the door behind him as he went, leaving a confused Cas questioning what just happened.


	7. Chapter 7

Cas didn't want to stay in the motel room but if he left, he doubted he'd be able to come back so instead he spent his time looking through the books Dean was examining. Except, they were useless. There was nothing about angels in there.

Cas thought he understood what the vampire had done. She been attempted to extract his grace by force which would mean it would be lost forever. All she had done was weaken it, so Cas knew he had about 4 days before it was too weak to stay with him, and would just fade away till it was nothing, which would be painful and turn him human. Or he could go back up to heaven, and strengthen his grace so he could stay in heaven, but he wouldn't have the energy to take a vessel again. Maybe in a few thousands of years, but that was not likely. By that time anyone he had ever met, saw would be gone and turned to dust. He would have to watch Dean, Sam and Bobby waste away and die.  
He couldn't see that happen. Being in a vessel, Cas knew the pain he could feel and how weak humans were. He knew the risks of death and hell, but could he really give up his 'life' he loved. He couldn't give up his family. The angels were his relatives, nothing more. The Winchesters and Bobby had given him a sense of belonging, a feeling of home no matter where he was. He understood that they were his family. Bobby was a father figure he could look up to and admire for all that he had been through and done. He respecting him for being there for Sam and Dean when there father clearly wasn't, just like his wasn't.  
Sam and Cas may have had a rocky start, but Sam was an amazing hunter and after losing so much, Cas couldn't believe he was still fighting for what was right.  
And Dean was…Dean was the reason he was here. He main reason he had stayed and he reason he had done what he had. He'd rebelled, killed and given up nearly everything for Dean. And Bobby, Sam, Jo and Ellen too but Dean had made it all happen.  
How could Cas give up a life he had grown to love for a life he had tried to forget? What was the point of him going back to heaven and spending eternity miserable while he could spend 40 years experiencing earth and spending the times with those he loved? Cas took the cell phone out of his pocket and rung the person he wanted to talk to.  
"Hello?" He gruff voice asked from far away.  
"Bobby?"  
"Cas? You alright, what's the matter?"  
"Why do you assume something's wrong?"  
"Boy, you ain't never phoned me before, you just appear." Bobby pointed out and Cas sighed. He filled Bobby in with the whole vampire spell thing and the choice he had to make. He told him about the argument with Dean, just left out how it ended. That felt like too much to tell.  
"Cas. What do you want me to tell you?" Bobby sounded sad, but not surprised.  
"I don't know. Advice?"  
"Look, you got a pickle there but it's not my decision. It's gotta be yours."  
"I want to decide, but I'm scared. I can't leave here Bobby." Cas allowed himself to sound scared for a second.  
"I know kid, but you think you can stay and rot with the rest of us?"  
"If I… I think I could."  
"Really? Look, you got 4 days? Think about it. You want me to head down there?"  
"No, I won't ask you to do that. Stay…I'll call you." And Cas hung up. He closed his eyes and tried to think.

Hi! Thanks for everyone who's read it so far, new chapter should be up soon. Please review etc. Thanks.


	8. Chapter 8

Cas was unsurprised to see it was Sam who was first back to the room. It was Sam who was surprised to not see Dean there.  
"Where's Dean?" Sam asked, walking to the little fridge and grabbing two bottles out of it.  
"He left." Cas replied bluntly as Sam passed him an opened one.  
"He said he wouldn't leave."  
"Well he did." Sam could tell from Cas' tone that something had happened, but he didn't want to push it further. Ever since Cas and Dean had met they were always fighting and arguing, but San knew that Dean liked Cas being around, and that he felt Cas was like another brother to him. Dean didn't have a lot to believe in, but he sure believed in Cas.  
"So…how you doing?" Sam sat opposite Cas and went straight to what was on Cas' mind.  
"I don't know yet. I phoned Bobby, but he didn't tell me what to do."  
"Nobody can tell you what to do Cas, this is your choice, you can't ask other people to make it for you."  
"Dean certainly thinks it's his place to tell me what I must do." Cas slipped the drink and looked down.  
"Dean thinks you can't stay. He's just looking out for you."  
"But I can stay."  
"You'd be giving up everything Cas."  
"Everything but my family." Sam half smiled at this comment.  
"You'd be giving up hundreds of thousands of years."  
"What's better though Sam? I could live 60 more years; I could be happy and free. I could learn to love and be human and do all the things I couldn't before. I could feel anything. I could finally learn why Anna risked her life to fall." Cas paused as Sam remained silent. "Or I could spend the rest of eternity in regret, watching everyone I once knew turn to dust. Watch you and Dean Die. Bobby, Ellen, Jo. I couldn't do that."  
"But what about when you get old Cas? When you feel pain and hurt and anger? You think its hard now; it will be so much harder. Every emotion comes with a price Cas."  
"I understand Sam." Cas signed. "I'd like people to say they'd miss me when I'm gone. I want somebody to tell me to stay, because they couldn't understand it if I left. I want somebody to tell me they'll do anything to bring me back, like you and Sam do." Cas finally admitted.  
"You want that?" Sam was shocked. "Why?"  
"Because maybe if I knew I'd already made a change in someone life, it would make it easier to leave or to stay. I'd know I've made a difference, done some good in the name of my father."  
"Cas, you have changed Dean and I for the better. We're stronger now, you've taught us well and we won't be the same without you. But we can't ask you to stay."  
"Why not?"  
"Because you know you should leave. You just want an excuse to stay."  
"I know."  
"I suggest we both get some sleep. It's been a rough day and Dean won't be back for a while I guessing." Sam raised his eyebrows a little at Cas to see if Cas would tell him anything but he kept his mouth shut. They went into their separate beds, Cas lay on Deans and thought about the experiences he could have if he were human, and the eternity he would sacrifice.  
He knew what he had to do.


	9. Chapter 9

It was shortly after Cas heard Sam's gentle snoring he decided to get up. He grabbed a bowl from the table and walked outside. After looking around for Dean, someone he would liked to have seen at this moment, he walked around the back of the motel to a grassy patch left behind. He sat the bowl from the floor and took a knife from his pocket. He ran the blade down his arm, applying only enough pressure for blood to spill out and allowed his blood to splatter into the small bowl. He looked up at the sky and began to chant in Latin.  
"Castiel angelus Domini ego sum . Genitor, fac me humanitate et dimittam te, ut mihi sacrificet mihi de meo officio ruina signum gratiae cupide mundum creavit. Dabo domum in nomine tuo: et dabo vobis cor creata hominibus amans rursusque manu tua." He felt pain welling up in his body as he finished it but said a last sentence in English this time. "Forgive me father." And that was it. He felt more pain that when the vampire was trying to rip the grace from his body and he collapsed on the grass.  
All anyone saw from a distance was an intense beam of light as Castiel the angel was no more.

Hey, short chapter but I wanted it to be. The latin does have meaning, but I didn't want to put it in. If you'd like to know what it means for any reason, you could use translate or you could message me and I'll just tell you. Thanks so much for people who have reviewed and everything so far, please do if you haven't, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, new chapter will be up soon.


	10. Chapter 10

"Son of a bitch." Deans gruff voice said from a few steps away and Cas turned around in surprise.  
"Dean…I" He didn't know how to finish the sentence so he let himself trail off to nothing. Dean looked down at the floor then moved towards Cas briskly. He took his jacket off, the one Cas had clung to a few hours ago and wrapped it around Cas' bleeding arm. He pushed his fingers lightly onto it, applying pressure to stop the blood spilling out, but he remained silent.  
"Dean, please let me explain." Cas said as Dean steered him towards the motel entrance.  
"No." He snapped and refused to look at Cas' face. He focused on the arm. They walked into the motel room but Sam was already gone. Cas thought about it and realised he was most likely looking for him. Dean pushed him onto the bed and stormed into the bathroom, emerging with a first aid kit that him and Sam carry around. He took out some stuff Cas didn't know, and a needle and thread. He threaded the needle, still not looking in Cas' direction and then took his jacket away from the cut. After wiping it a few times, he started by pushing the needle point into the flesh. Cas winced and Dean's other hand-held onto the bottom of Cas' arm, before almost immediately removing it as if he was reminded that he was angry at Cas, and didn't want to comfort him. He carried on with the stitching, his surprisingly expert hands did the job quickly and a doctor would have been proud of the work Cas expected. Dean finished by putting a light bandage on it to stop it bleeding on his clothes.  
"Dean, please."  
"No." He snapped again.  
"No, please. You don't understand you have to listen to me."  
"I understand it _perfectly_, you _bastard_! You'd rather waste away your life then face heaven. That makes you a coward!" Dean exploded out standing up and shoving an ashtray off the table, making it smash onto the floor.  
"Heaven is my home." Cas tried to explain.  
"So you should have gone back! You should have left. You shouldn't be here." He spat out.  
"Family is more important than a home."  
"We are _not _your family Cas! The feathered fairies up and you should be with them. Not fooling yourself that your human."  
"Family isn't blood Dean. You of all people should know that._ You_ taught me that!"  
"To us. To the Winchesters maybe. But what about to the feathered freaks? You serve your daddy, and your brothers and sisters are up there and you've just left them."  
"I wanted to stay with the family that I choose. That's you and Sam."  
"No."  
"What?" Cas was confused,what did Dean mean?  
"You are not my family. Sam and I are not your brothers. Bobby is not your father. Your family is up there, and you've screwed them over Cas."  
"You and Sam are my family. You-"  
"NO. No. Look Cas, I don't want you hunting with me and Sam anymore." Dean said, finally turning to face Cas.  
"What? Dean, you can't.."  
"Yes I can. I don't want you with us. You find your own way from here."  
"But I have nowhere to go. I have nothing Dean, nothing but you guys." Cas was desperate. He given up eternity for this, only to be cast aside like he was nothing. "Dean, please." He moved towards Dean slighty and Dean practically jumped away from him in a heart-beat.  
"No. Cas. I can't be around you right now, alright?" He paused for a brief second. "I'm too angry."  
"About what?" Cas snapped, was angry too. Dean hadn't even considered what it must be like for him. He'd given up his home, his father, everything he knew before a year ago to stay here with Sam and Dean, and now he was being told he couldn't? "Do you not want me with you? What about Sam? Does he not get a choice? I spoke to him before, he practically convinced me to do this, will he want me to disappear?"  
"What? Sam did this?" Dean yanked him phone out of his pocket and started pressing buttons.  
"No. I did it, I wanted to do it Dean. Sam just talked to me, made me realise why I wanted to stay. You too." Dean looked up from his phone.  
"Me?"  
"Yes, you. You doing what you did."  
"I did nothing Cas, you got me. That was_ nothing. _And you don't ever talk to me about that again." He continued dialling the phone then put it to his ear. He waited a few seconds before talking.  
"I got him. Get back." Dean almost growled and then hung up.  
"Dean, listen. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I didn't have much of a choice. I rebelled. They could have killed me up there. I made the right choice. I want to stay with you."  
"Why?" Deans voice lowered for the first time since he started this conversation.  
"Because what you did...everything you did reminded me of why to be human. I felt so much in that couple of minutes, good and bad, and that's more than I've ever felt in my hundreds of decades. Then talking to Sam and Bobby...it reminded me that I have a family. And that's worth giving up anything for." Dean looked shocked, but that didn't stop him sitting down, next to Cas. His eyes flickered over Cas' face, stopping at his lips, likes he'd done many times before but this time it felt different to Cas. It meant much more. Dean leaned in slightly but was stopped abruptly by Sam walking into the motel room. Dean stood up and gave Sam a huge shove.  
"Dean, what the hell?"  
"You spoke to Cas you dick." And then he walked out, but not before turning to Cas and looking at him one more time.

Thanks for reading, please review etc. New chapter will be up soon.


	11. Chapter 11

Cas awoke from his first sleep feeling tired and weak. It was most likely to be expected that he felt like this, but he didn't like it much. Dean was still sleeping but it seemed like Sam was out, and Cas' theory was proved when he saw a note on the table saying he'd gone to do some more researching on the vampire stuff in the town. Although they'd killed most of them, someone still died yesterday. Cas got up and realised he needed the bathroom. He knew what to do because of Jimmy, but he didn't like it much. As he washed his hands, he glanced at the shower and decided he may as well have one. He stripped off his suit and coat and jumped in the shower, then turned it on. The water was ice-cold and there was nothing up a crappy piece of soap there, but Cas felt cleaner when he got out 20 minutes later. He figured he'd stay in there a little longer than normal to savour the experience. It felt weird he'd know have to do these trivial little things nearly every day.  
Cas got dressed again after drying himself with the raggy looking towel left one the side. He put his clothes back on although they weren't very nice and walked back into the main room. Dean was already on the phone to Bobby about the vampires and when Cas walked into the room, Dean put his finger up to motion a minute.  
"Okay, thanks Bobby." And then he hung up and looked at Cas. He looked sightly embarrassed, but at least he wasn't angry anymore. Or he didn't seem to be. "Enjoy your shower?"  
"Yes thank you. I believe it would have been better warmer."  
"You didn't turn the hot on?" Cas shook his head and while he did he stomach rumbled loudly. Dean smiled.  
"First real meal. We'd better go to a diner, motel food blows." He paused and looked at the clothes Cas was wearing and frowned slightly. "That's got blood on it. Is the suit the same." Cas nodded so Dean started rummaging in his bag. He threw Cas a pair of slightly tatty jeans and an old black t-shirt with a small hole in the sleeve. Cas started to take his clothes off and Dean's eyebrows shot up. He turned around and started to stroll out.  
"I'll wait outside."  
It didn't take long for Cas to change, and he liked the clothes. They were slightly too big, but comfortable as anything. He went out to join Dean in the Impala. Dean looked up as Cas came out and swallowed slightly at the sight of Cas in his clothes.  
"Dean? Dean? Are you alright?" Dean thought about where they were for a second, a motel without Sam and started the engine immediately.  
"Let's get out of here." Cas got into the car and Dean swerved into traffic.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean drove Cas to the nearest diner in silence and only when they were seated did he begin to talk. Cas simply complemented the diner, and Dean just ordered the drinks,but it was better than silence. When the waitress came over, Dean asked for a few more minutes.  
"But I've chosen." Cas said.  
"What did you pick?"  
"I thought I'd have pancakes?"  
"Bad choice, they aren't going to be good here." Dean said, shaking his head.  
"How can you tell?" Cas looked around.  
"I've eaten in diners since I was like 4 and you think I can't tell what places are good at what? Look around, this place does a great fry-up." Cas didn't question Dean anymore. He was so hungry he didn't care what he ate. Dean caught the waitress' eye and she hurried over.  
"What can I get you boys?" She grinned.  
"I'm not allowed pancakes, so a fry-up please." Cas chirped and Dean sighed.  
"Two extra large fry-up's please, and we're currently investigating some crime in the area." Dean flashed the waitress his FBI identification. "So could it be quick, thanks." Dean smiled.  
"Of course officers, I'll be back in a moment." And she dashed off.  
"Why did you tell her we were investigating?" Cas questioned.  
"So she'd be quick. I bet you're starving."  
"Are we looking into anything right now?"  
"Well, there's you. But you seem pretty stubborn about this whole thing. I'm sure after a couple of weeks of you being human, you'll be dying to go back." Dean remarked, but Cas shook his head.  
"I doubt it."  
"We'll see. I guess we gotta get you a tatoo. Although Bobby gave us a necklace that would work too, so maybe we'll try that first. Much less painful than a tatoo, but you can't take it off. Got that?" Dean warned.  
"Got it." Cas said as the waitress carried over their food. Dean and Cas both thanked her before she left.  
"See. I told you. Good fry-up" Dean commented before Cas dug in. The food was hotter than he expected and he hurt his tongue a little, but it was worth it. It was amazing. Cas couldn't have imagined how good it tasted, and he wasn't sure he could describe it either. All he knew is it only took him about 5 minutes to finish, and he was still hungry afterwards. Dean chuckled to himself as Cas wiped his finger over the plate, wiping any crumbs or sauce left. Dean was only halfway through his brunch so he swapped his half-full plate with Cas' empty one.  
"Really?" Cas asked.  
"I'm not hungry." Dean said as Cas started to dig into his meal.

After leaving some money and a tip for the waitress, something Cas insisted on doing as 'she had a beautifully cheerful smile', they headed around town to see for news about the vampires. They couldn't be sure they weren't more of them and as there was no cases around, Sam and Dean decided it was better to stay around to make sure Cas was alright. If Cas changed his mind, it was likely they would head to Bobby's to see if there was anything they could do, but right now he seemed perfectly happy. Dean feared what he had done hadn't quite hit him yet.  
Dean was still angry at Cas. More angry than he'd ever been at Cas but a little part of him was sort-of happy, although he couldn't understand why. Cas could die so easily now, he could get hit by a car and that would be it. Dean would never hear his deep voice again. He'd never hear his laugh, or see him smile. It could all be over in an instant.  
Dean could still remember the first time he'd ever seen Cas smile. He had felt chuffed, he'd made it happen. Since then, he'd become acustom to it. It would feel like losing Sam to him, just like losing a brother.  
"So where should we go?" Cas asked Dean, snapping him out of his train of thought.  
"Um...Whereever you wanna go Cas I guess. Just..." Dean paused as Cas looked at him expectingly. "Be careful on the roads alright."

Hi! Thanks for reading, sorry I haven't updated in a while. Please review, favourite etc. Thanks! New chapter will be up soon.


	13. Chapter 13

They headed back to the motel after a call from Sam. They went back to the car and drove back, making good time considering rush hour traffic. When they got into the room, Sam was looking frazzled, his hair sticking up all over the place. Dean thought Sam's hair was slightly stupid, it got in the way all the time, and he often considered chopping it off, but Sam had told him once, when he was drunk of course, that Jess has always been asking him to grow it out. Dean figured Sam felt guilty that he'd never done it when she'd been around.  
Dean constantly thought about the life he'd taken away from Sammy. A girlfriend or maybe even a wife, a good job, a normal life. And he ruined it all by asking him to look for John with him. In some ways, he'd probably done Sam some good. Everything was still going to happen to Sam. Maybe Jess would have lived a few more months, but then yellow eyes would have got to her, and Sammy would have died when put up against everyone else.  
It didn't stop Dean felling bad though. If he thought about every life he's probably ruined, he'd make himself worse. Every person he couldn't save, every person he'd ever encountered was likely to be in some kind of danger because of him or Sam. Cas. He'd still be a carefree solider, daddy's little angel. He rebelled, defied his family and now he was human. And Dean was mostly to blame. Maybe if he hadn't felt the way he did abo-  
He shook his head to try to rid himself of the thought.  
"So Sammy, what you call us for?" He spoke up, and Sam started to pick up certain books from the table.  
"Okay, so I was going some research, and get this, we didn't kill the vampires doing the killings we were investigating."  
"What?"  
"No, that nest was killing people outside the town. What did every victim have in common?"  
"They were woman, young, blonde mostly in college."  
"Exactly, but I saw the bodies in the back. 3 brunettes and a red-head. Only 1 blonde. They're not the nest. Turns out there's a town a couple of miles out. Missing all girls except one. She's not local, tourist I think. So I looked around. There's an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town, brought a couple of months ago. Haven't done anything to it. I went there. 3 cars alone outside, and from what I saw, about 10 vamps. Couldn't get close enough to see more."  
"You went there alone?" Cas asked.  
"Well yeah, I didn't go close." Sam shrugged.  
"So? When are we getting those dicks?" Dean asked.  
"You wanna attack?" Sam asked, puzzling Dean.  
"Yes, why not?"  
"Well, I mean. I thought you'd prefer for...Cas to be safe right now."  
"What?" "Why?" Dean and Cas said at the same time.  
"Why would Dean want me safe?" Cas repeated.  
"I didn't say Cas was coming. I said us. He's staying here." Dean said firmly.  
"No I'm not." He retorted, turning to face Dean. Dean stared back, focusing on Cas's eyes. They were the same crystal blue as normal, but now they showed real emotion. They showed Cas. Dean's gaze flickered down to stop himself angry, ut instead found himself looking at his lips. The ones he'd placed his own before getting angry at Cas. The looking at Cas wasn't helping so he turned back to face Sam.  
"We'll discuss it later." and Cas huffed.  
"Fine. We'll go out tomorrow." Sam stated. "I gotta go."  
"What? Why?" Dean questioned as Sam grabbed his coat.  
"The hostage's from the other day, I got a call from the mother. Her 8-year-old daughter is sick, and she's worried. She wants me to check it's not...you know."  
"Poor kid." Dean signed.  
"Yeah. Look I'll be gone pretty much all night I reckon, so don't bother with any food for me. Cas, you take my bed. See you tomorrow, we'll have to think of a plan then. They'll of heard of the other nest by now, so they'll be keeping low."  
"Bye Sam." Cas said as he left, and Sam raised a hand and smiled in return.

Thanks for reading. Sorry for taking so long to upload. Injured hand, I can't write!


	14. Chapter 14

Cas jumped in the shower while Dean went to get some food for dinner. He liked the shower, despite the fact it was a motel one. He grabbed another pair of jeans and a plaid shirt from Dean's bag, put them on, and then sat down on the edge of the bed. He turned on the television, but quickly turned it off again as he didn't know any programmes. Maybe that was something he could try and get into now he was human. Of course, Dean and Sam didn't watch a lot of TV, but Cas had no idea if he could stay with them or not. Especially if Dean wouldn't even let him go on a simple vampire hunt. He knew exactly what to do, and if he'd still be an angel, Dean wouldn't have blinked an eye. He didn't last time.

Cas didn't wish to spend his time simply sitting around, so he looked in the cupboard. There was a few board games in there, a human fascination he was interested in, but had never tried before. He selected a game called monopoly and began to read the instructions carefully. After a few more times of reading them, Cas began to set up the game for Dean and himself. By the time Dean got back with some Chinese food, Cas had already set up the entire game. Dean looked puzzled as he examined the board, and put his jacket on the bed.

"You changed." Dean pointed out. Cas found it strange this was the first thing he noticed.

"I did. I showered again, sorry." Cas apologised "I thought we could play monopoly." He gestured at the board and Dean got the both of their food out of the bag.

"I guess. Why?"

"I've never played. What food did you get?" Cas' stomach felt empty. Despite the food he'd eaten earlier, which was a large amount, he still felt hungry.

"I got you a range of stuff. Thought we could dish it out a bit, give you a taste of everything. Chinese food is great." Dean had at least enough food for 4 or 5 in the 8 containers he had, but he'd guessed Cas would be hungry. He knew Sam wouldn't be home, and he suspected that the mother and him were 'getting along' just fine. Sam had  
texted him and said that the daughter was fine, and they were heading back to  
her place, but Sam was still staying. Nice that Sam was getting some action, Dean supposed.

"Okay. That sounds good. What do you want to be?" Cas smiled.

"What?" Dean asked as he started dishing out Cas' food onto a plate, then did his own.

"Which piece?" Cas held up the dog. "I like this little fellow. You could be the hat? Or the wheelbarrow?"

"Any." Dean passes Cas his food and a fork. He sat down and watched Cas begin to eat his. He wanted Cas to try Chinese food because there was lots of different flavours, and watching Cas, he could tell he liked it.

"Your roll." Cas said through a mouthful of food. Dean was momentarily shocked, but then he realised what Cas was really saying. He'd thought he meant to make a move...well nevermind. Dean promised himself he wouldn't have done it. Then he promised again as he didn't think he quite meant it the first time. He picked up the 2 dice and rolled a 9. He moved the piece and Cas rolled and got an 11.

"I'm beating you already." Cas grinned. His food was half-gone despite the generous proportion Dean had given him. Dean chuckled a deep throaty chuckle and hoped Cas did win.

Dean could remember playing Monopoly as a kid. Sam was persistent on playing games when Dad was gone, and a crap half-missing set of monopoly seemed to shut him up for a few hours, and most motels had them. If not, Dean would take Sam to a couple of garage sales, and hope that they had one. Dean found the game to be fun when he was younger. Him and Sammy would squabble over the rules constantly, and the game could go on for days but it was something to keep Dean's mind off whatever Dad was hunting next.

"I don't think you can purchase properties within the first circulation Dean." Cas said, consulting his rule book.

"Fine. Whatever." Dean shrugged. It had been years since he'd even thought about Monopoly, let alone played it, so he wasn't sure of the rules.

Once the boys had finished their food, and Cas had finished what was leftover, they both really got into the game. Cas was having fun discovering the joys of 'childhood' something he'd clearly never experienced before, while feeling all the emotions that came with a human status, including annoyance, joy, happiness, and rage (Dean had been a bit short of cash, so he'd tried to steal from the bank when he thought Cas wasn't looking). However Dean was just happy being around Cas, doing something stupid and fun. He didn't have to worry about Sam, or the job or anything. He could just be content in a motel room with a friend.

"That's...1200 money please Dean." Cas held out his hand for the money and Dean looked at his few notes left.

"I keep telling you, the M doesn't stand for money Cas." Dean said, mortgaging a few properties and handing the money over to Cas, who definitely didn't need it. Cas owned nearly all the board and still had loads of money left. Dean had a few singles left and that was it. Cas knew the rulebook off by heart now, so Dean had to play correctly. Unfortunately, Sammy had been gullible when he was young, so Dean wasn't used to playing fair.

A couple more rolls and Dean was done for. Cas took the last of his money and then the only properties he had left.

"I won!" Cas smiled. A broad, full-blown smile that made his whole face light up and made Dean, despite his failure, smile too.

"What?" Cas said and Dean watched as he stood up and stretched his legs. They had been playing for hours so Dean did the same. As Cas ran his fingers through his hair and messed it up, Dean wondered. He wondered why Cas would give up an eternity to be so vulnerable. He wondered if Cas could last being a human, or if it would be too much for him. He realised how closely he'd been paying attention to Cas as they were playing, Dean had been staring at the flecks of deeper blues in his eyes surrounded by the piercing blue pupils Dean had come to like looking at. He'd been noticing everything Cas had been doing, flexing his fingers before moving his piece, the little mischievous grin he'd had when he got money off Dean, the look of victory that told Dean that Cas was human.

He hadn't even noticed he was doing it, but now he did. He felt as though now he could see Cas more clearly, he had a couple of freckles scattered on his nose, his eyelashes were a shade darker than his hair colour would suggest, his lips pinker than any person Dean had ever seen before. His lips.

"Dean? What?" Cas asked again and Dean tried to recall when he'd got so close to Cas. He could feel the warmth Cas had never had before. Dean leaned forward without thinking about what was right, what he was doing, or how Cas would react after what he'd done before. His lips found Cas and the world Cas seemed to love so more, felt out of focus. All Dean could concentrate on was his fallen angel.

Hi! Thanks for reading so far, please review follow, etc. Just a warning there will be smut (Spoilers!) in the next chapter, so please don't read it if you are too young, or don't want to read smut. There will be something important at the end of the chapter though, so if you want to carry on the story please skip to the end. Thanks!


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